What a Human Dissection Taught Me About Being Alive

Laboratory in Boulder, Colorado

After 14 Years of Massage, I Finally Saw What Was Under My Hands

Fourteen years ago this week, I graduated from massage school. With a bachelor’s degree in Biology, I’ve always been fascinated with the study of life. A couple of weekends ago, I finally got to see what’s been under my hands all of these years. Not from a textbook, but from a generous donor who gave her body so that others could learn from it. And wow. We all learned so much.

I spent two days at a human dissection through the Laboratory of Anatomical Enlightenment in Boulder, Colorado, and it absolutely changed my life.

I love the human body now more than ever. I love massage and believe in its innumerable effects - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually - a million fold more than before. And more than anything, I believe everything is in relationship with everything else, all the time, all at once. Everything in the body is inextricably linked with everything else. There’s nowhere you can touch on the human body that is not also in relationship with the rest of the body. Millions (billions?) of relationships, all happening FOR US, are happening right now.

For two days, I got to see with my own eyes what I have spent the last 14 years feeling with my hands. I watched the master dissector speak not only of anatomy and physiology but also of having great reverence for the donor. To embody a soft gaze and a curious spirit. To be present and mindful.

Even though we were working with and learning from inert tissue, you couldn’t help but contemplate:

"What had brought this incredible orchestration to life?"

"What was animating this being?"

"Where did she“go”?"

This particular elderly woman had incredibly healthy tissue. I got the feeling she knew she’d make an amazing donor and I am forever inspired by her and her generosity and foresight.

I saw what’s below the skin, what’s below the muscle attachments, what’s underneath the ligaments, how the nerves flow and how they’re all relating to one another.

I saw the origin of the sciatic nerve and followed it down to the foot.

I saw the jugular vein, the femoral artery and the vagus nerve.

I held the brain! In all of its perfect, immaculate symmetry. The gray matter, the cerebellum, the brain stem. Did you know the brain stem actually looks like a lily? And the sphenoid bone of the brain looks just like a butterfly?

I held the pituitary gland! This tiny raisin shaped gland that plays a central role in orchestrating the entire endocrine system - all of our hormones, all that chemistry - is tucked away in its own little nook behind the eyes making magic for you in this very moment.

I held the eyeball and saw what was inside of it.

I touched the heart, and was so moved that I cried. I saw how the lungs, and our breath that moves them, are literally the wings of the heart, nestled in the ribcage surrounding the heart like its bff.

I saw the entire digestive system removed from the body and held up in a three-dimensional way to see how it is all suspended in there. I felt all the different tissues - the liver, the intestines, the spleen, the pancreas - perfectly arranged through pressure, force and fascia.

I saw the deep muscles in the pelvis. And now I know exactly what’s going on in that pelvic floor that gets so much hype!

I saw the reproductive system intact, held and suspended in the air. I can hardly believe we can grow a baby in that tiny uterus. It’s truly a miracle.

I saw what was behind the hard palate of the mouth, deep into the pterygoid muscles of the jaw and the sinus cavities of the face.

I saw the inside of the shoulder joint. I saw the inside of the knee joint.

I saw fascia surrounding EVERYTHING.  Fascia under skin, fascia between muscle and bone, fascia in the face, fascia around the organs, fascia fascia fascia.  Fascia is a fluid-rich and electrically active connective tissue and it surrounds everything in the body.  I believe it’s intelligent and diverse and vast and super important to keep healthy, hydrated and pliable.

I saw movement! We moved the cadaver around to see the cause and effect of muscles, fascia and bones working in relationship while simultaneously having a living model on a table nearby doing the same movement. Seeing the side by side gave all 31 of us in the lab (and many more worldwide tuning in on the livestream) incredible X-ray vision.  I now have X-Ray vision!

Rotation, counter-rotation, pressure, fluid dynamics, flow, rhythm, relationship.

I saw the vertebrae and held them. I saw the discs cut and what they looked like inside. I saw vertebrae cut in half and how bone density adapts and distributes itself in response to load.

I learned (again) that our bodies are constantly adapting, constantly responding to the demands placed upon it.  And this time I didn’t learn it intellectually. I saw it with my own eyes, giving me an embodied understanding.

I learned that the quality of breath has an incredible ripple effect on the entire body.

I had already studied anatomy and physiology – in high school, college, massage school - but seeing the human form layer by layer like this gave me greater reverence for the Divine intelligence that’s bringing all of this to life. The more I study science, the more I believe in God, spirit, chi, prana, life force - whatever you want to call it.

There’s something animating this form that’s managing metabolism and blood flow and blood pressure and heart rate and pressure and respiratory rate and DNA repair and ATP production.  Something more than just sodium ions and neurons.

All of these things are happening without our conscious awareness. And so we see it as separate from us and complain and blame when things go wrong and look outside of us to get "fixed." While it's true, it's happening without us doing anything, what we say, think, and do absolutely contributes, impacts and amplifies how the body responds, adapts and shapes itself in response.

That realization changed the way I felt about my own body on a deeper level. 

I’ve abused my body, been mean to it, mad at it, confused by it, scared of it.  I’ve starved it, overfed it, and polluted it. I've ignored it, neglected it and micro-managed it and yet, it still beats, breathes and regulates for me.  It repairs and regenerates.  It regulates pressure and moves fluids. It heals wounds and keeps on keepin on. I feel like it forgives me. I feel like it does its best to catch up with my latest ideas and adjustments. I feel like it presences itself as I learn and evolve.

As I turn 44 in a couple of weeks, I am very keenly aware that I have to do my part to work with it if I want to be able to get up off of the floor without using my hands until I’m well into my 90’s.

With heart-felt conviction, I repeat: All of this is happening for us. 

Our bodies are constantly responding to its demands.  They're constantly adapting and adjusting based on the inputs they're receiving. The body is always responding to the environment it’s in - internally, to the chemistry created by our thoughts and emotions and externally, to the demands put on it and into it: load and movement, food, water, sleep, toxin exposure, and on and on.

I don’t think it’s serving us well to ask  “How do I fix my body?” or “What’s wrong with me?”  Or if those are the questions, the answer is the same → You must create conditions that allow those relationships to express themselves as fully and as naturally as possible. To create the conditions that allow for right relationship. 

• If we can’t always adjust our external environment in the moment, we can adjust our thoughts and emotions. 

• If we need help adjusting our thoughts and emotions, we can adjust our outer environment – clean the clutter, go outside, eat whole foods, move in whatever way feels safe, playful, nourishing and energizing.

  
  

Our role isn’t to micromanage every one of those billions of relationships.  Or to worry about them. Our role is to be a co-creator in the process by linking up with this intelligence with our attention, our intention, our emotions of trust and gratitude and our actions.

That’s the takeaway.

What can I do to change?

What can I add in to alter the conditions of my environment (inner/outer) so that my body can respond favorably?

How can I change myself energetically and physically? Mentally? Emotionally?

How can I be in harmonious relationship with all of these billions of tiny relationships that are coordinating all of this for little ’ol me?

That’s how loved I am.  That’s how loved you are. I think our bodies are wonderful and fascinating teachers, here to be our friend and to teach us where we can become more conscious - beyond just diet and exercise.  Maybe, above all, to become better listeners and to take responsibility (ability-to-respond) for them.

The name of the lab that I visited is perfect.  Laboratories of Anatomical Enlightenment.  Because:

• It is enlightening to know thyself - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. 

• It is enlightening to explore with curiosity and wonder. 

• It is enlightening to think about big questions and have lively discussion with others who are also engaged with the nature of reality.

  
  

And I think this is where everything I’ve been studying keeps meeting.  For 14 years, I’ve had the privilege of working with thousands of bodies in my own living laboratory (called my massage studio). Now, in the field of physics, coherence describes waves maintaining a relationship that allows them to reinforce one another rather than interfere with one another. I can’t help but see a parallel in what I witness on the massage table.

• Something that felt stuck begins to move.

• Pain decreases.

• Breathing changes.

• Perceptions shift.

• Awareness expands.

• Space becomes felt and celebrated.

• Things that seemed to be working against one another begin working together differently, more coordinated, more harmonious, more cooperative.

Provide the right conditions - internal and external - and the body responds.

Maybe that’s one way to think about wholeness - something we allow by becoming aware of where we’ve been interfering with the natural flow and relationship already happening within us.

When we stop being at war with ourselves, when we stop being at war with our thoughts and emotions, when we stop being at war with people, places, things in the world outside of us, maybe we can relax into a more coherent experience.

What if everyone did that? What if we got out of our own way? What if we responded to our body's requests by adjusting our mental, emotional and physical behaviors?

When we have a soft gaze, are relaxed in the heart, awake in the mind, when we learn about our bodies and how they work, when we learn to regulate our emotions, to sync up with our breathing, to use the full capacity of our breath and our lungs, to come into heart and brain coherence, we let the waves undulate inside of us and into the field all around us and the waves begin reinforcing each other.

Y'all, after all these years, I love this work more than I ever have.

I am more inspired than ever to keep moving. To know myself. To move in places that aren’t easy (hello, hips) - to get to know those parts of myself.  To lighten up, yes physically and also in my heart and mind.  To maintain strength and flexibility - also body, mind and spirit.

And most of all to say THANK YOU to my body - to all of its systems, organs, tissues, cells, chemicals and atoms doing all the things, all the time, all at once.

Maybe we don’t have to understand all of it.  Maybe sometimes all there is to say is:  “I have no idea. But I’m so grateful.”

If Wholeness is something we allow, then how about instead of always relying on something outside of us to “fix” something, we begin by paying attention to what's right here, right now?

How about we intentionally and consciously join the movement and rhythm already happening inside of us?

How do we do that?

Oh yeah.  Well, the easiest, most direct way is to remember that we're breathing anyway so why not start there and join up with it more consciously – slow it down, deepen it, let it be more complete… with a feeling of thankfulness in our hearts?  How about we stay here for five minutes, just breathing and feeling?  Just paying attention to this life that is already happening. And saying thank you to the great mystery that is me, that is you, that is life, that is happening everywhere, all the time.

I believe attention is the medicine.

I believe our energy is our greatest resource.

The Course of Miracles says that paying attention is a form of reciprocity with the living world, receiving its gifts with open eyes and an open heart. That's what the cadaver lab taught me, my own living lab and thousands of people have taught me and what nature teaches me when I get out of my head and open my focus enough to just observe its patterns, cycles and seasons.

May you be blessed by the gifts of life. May you pay attention to them and receive them with an open heart and open mind. May you embrace a curious nature filled with awe and wonder. May you become your own best friend, giving your loving attention to your vessel, your heart and your soul so that you feel so good, you can't help but share your gifts with the rest of us.

Love,

Sarah